Do you ever have so much to write about that you don’t even know where to start? This is such a moment for me. I had such a powerful experience in Hawai’i, and it is setting me up for a big transformation on the night of St. John, which as we have talked about before has some amazing aspects. I’m going to write this in two parts. The first will be about Hawaii and what I learned there, and the second will be about the transit I will be experiencing of Neptune in Opposition to my Natal Pluto.
First to Hawai’i. A shocking injury completely transformed my trip to Hawai’i. At dawn on the second day there, I burned myself with boiling water.
You know how say that they “know something like the back of my hand?” It’s really freaky when you look at the back of your hand and do not know it. I have to say Angelique, I was in shock for the first several hours. I just smeared a bunch of Chinese Herbal Burn remedy on it, and laid on a bunch of gauze pads, and then wrapped it with tape. Then I put my whole hand into a giant leather furnace glove. I spent the rest of week with my hand resting against my chest like the pledge of allegiance while doing everything with my left hand.
Finally after the week of work was over, I released all of what I had been carrying. I had gone to the car to get my ear buds to call Stephanie. We had an appointed time to call which is necessary with the time change in Hawaii. I had not spoken to her for a couple days, and so the call was important to me. There I was at the back of the car with my travel backpack using my left hand to open the zippers and search for my head set. I found it pretty quickly because I had learned to keep things in the right place so it would be easier to find things with only my left hand.
Funny thing about using only my left hand. My body does not remember where my left hand puts things down. I was constantly walking into the kitchen and putting down my keys or something, and then five seconds later I would have no recollection of where I had placed them. There is something in my physical hard wiring where I don’t have a physical feeling for where I put something.
When I went to look for my ear buds, I put my phone down, and then I could not find my telephone. The picture set above was taken in this moment. I was going to the car with my hands full of clothes I had changed out of. You can see my cell phone in my left hand with the trunk open behind me. When I got to the trunk, I put my phone down with my left hand to find my ear buds. I put the pants and other stuff in the main compartment of the backpack first.
After I found my ear buds, I could not find my phone. I put it down with my left hand, and had no physical memory of where it was. It was not immediately visible. Maybe I had left it in my pants pocket. Maybe I had put it in the phone pocket in my back pack. With my left hand I searched without finding it. I was feeling some stress because I was already late calling Stephanie. I ended up unpacking the entire backpack trying to find it. All with my left hand.
This is very tedious. When I pulled a zipper with one hand the whole back pack would move a bit, and so it required a lot of effort and patience. Finally I was so exhausted that I had to quit looking. I just could not do it anymore. The entire week I had been experiencing this frustration and pain and doing everything with my left hand, and I finally reached my breaking point when I could not find my phone. A ton of emotion welled up in me as I finally let myself feel for the first time all that I had been holding. I almost started crying. I went inside to lie down for half an hour.
When I came back out, I found my phone under a pair of shoes that I had moved out of the way to open the backpack. Right there, just out of sight and in a place that I would not have put it had I had both hands. The entire time I was there, there was a lot of drama going on back at home about a situation that I do not even want to talk about. I was really trying to stay out of it and not respond to any of it, and so I just worked quietly while all of this was going on.
The study I did over Lent was still with me in Hawai’i, and I felt a lot in my throat chakra. I had a powerful urge to speak up to defend myself and to point out where people were wrong in criticizing me. But I kept my mouth shut. I really did not have any choice about it because of the work and the time change. I would like to say that I was super noble and did not act like everyone else, but the truth is that I did not really have much opportunity to talk to anyone with my injury and the time change and the vigorous work schedule. I was isolated and did not have the opportunity to talk.
This was a kind of enforced nobility. I was forced by my circumstances to act in a noble way, and so I got to see the results of acting without talking. It was amazing. Everyone talking and talking just ended up making themselves appear ungrateful and hypocritical. They were talking badly about me, while I quietly worked without complaining. Again, I was not morally superior to anyone. I was simply unable to talk because of my circumstances.
I did learn a very very powerful lesson Angelique, and this is what I would like to share. By my enforced silence I saw the power of staying silent. It came to me in an epiphany that it is MY words that hurt me, not the words of the “falladores” I learned how if I keep silent, do my work, suffer with patience, and live without complaining, that those actions will speak much louder than any words I could say. And people who talk badly about people who work without complaining? Well leave them to talk. They are showing the truth of who they are too. Maybe the truth is they are hurt and confused. Maybe the truth is that they are jealous or envious. Maybe the truth is that they are afraid of being left out. Who knows. It’s none of my business.
There is a line from Mestre Irineu that really struck me. I will quote it here for you:
Eu ensino é com amor
É com firmeza e lealdade
Mas quando vem falar comigo
Sempre trazem a falsidade
Isto é deles, não é meu
Faço por não compreender
Depois eles saem dizendo
Que o Mestre não tem saber
I teach it is with loveMestre #73 – Eu Vi a Virgem Mae
and with firmness and loyalty
but when they come to speak with me
They always bring falsity
This is theirs, it is not mine
I “do for not understanding”
Then they leave saying
That the Master does not have knowledge
This was such a powerful lesson for me. I saw how when I speak in self defense, or when I tell a story to justify how I am feeling, all of those stories are full of falsity. Like Stephanie always says, quoting her mother, there are three sides to every story, his, hers, and the truth. This applies to me too! My side of the story itself is not the truth. And so this is the real crux, by speaking up in this kind of situation, I simply add to the falsity. If I keep my mouth shut and continue acting in the best way I can, the truth will speak for itself. Another lesson came on the heels of the first one:
A verdade não se nega
A verdade não se esconde
Que a verdade é Deus
E Deus é o verdadeiro homem
The truth does not deny itselfPadrinho Sebastião #127 Assim Eu Quero Ser
The truth does not hide itself
That the truth is God
And God is the truthful man
The truth reveals itself. It cannot be hidden. The truth is God and God is the truthful Man. Such a beautiful and simple teaching. I do not have to speak or argue or defend the truth with my words, because the truth itself is God, and God cannot be denied. I was filled with faith.
And an interesting thing happened. The more I did not talk, the more others did, and the more they talked the more they proved my case. At the end, all the drama was resolved and I was unscathed, except for my burned hand. I learned many very powerful lessons working with my injury. Many. But as we have learned, some of our lessons are for ourselves only and we lose their energy if we speak of them.
I took from all of this the powerful lesson that it is my words that hurt me, not the words of others. When I speak too much about my side of the story, I simply inflate the falsity. My side of the story is somewhat removed from the truth as well, and the truth speaks for itself. My story just adds to the confusion. I may try hard to be as objective and truthful as possible, but everything I say is by necessity going to be slanted at least a little by my point of view. Maybe that’s true of everyone except masters like the Dalai Lama or Jesus Christ. Maybe true spiritual masters and prophets can speak the truth of God directly, but not me. So now I wear this Cruzeiro to protect my Fifth Chakra.
And this gets back to the Seven Chakra meditation. These lessons are to heal a break in my integrity from the 5th Chakra, which is my tendency to over talk. Even if I try to be truthful, I can speak falsity, and whether intended or not, this breaks my integrity. I am wearing this on my fifth chakra to help me improve in this area.
And when I got home Angelique, I looked at the Time Passages App and I saw in my long term transits that Neptune coming into opposition with my Natal Pluto. This is a very profound once in a lifetime transit. I will talk about this and the other astrological aspects of this trip, and the coming transits of St. John.
Peace, Love, Forgiveness