I have had a really good integration since the end of the 40 day lenten dieta on Sunday, and I definitely feel things starting to move forward energetically. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get started writing about things like this. It seems like I have to write for a little while until a channel opens, and then once the channel opens, the words flow like water.
So I think the string that I want to pull today is Mercury entering Aries after finally exiting the post retrograde shadow yesterday. I have been continuing a few practices of my Dieta because they have made me feel so much better–like avoiding sugar, wheat, and french fries. I have had some coffee, but honestly it makes my stomach feel gross, so I’m kind of questioning whether I want to add coffee back to my habit. I feel so much better just drinking water. Also, I have really been enjoying the improvement in my physical shape with the focus on exercise that I have maintained during the last couple months, really all the way back to January.
I will be working hard doing manual labor on the farm in Hawaii for ten days at the end of this month, and so I have been doing exercises that mimic the work I will be doing to strengthen my core and my strength through my back and shoulders. Farmer carries. So my body is feeling lean and active and healthy.
But what really got me started this morning was my meditation. I found that I have really very much enjoyed my ritual of morning meditations, and so I have kept waking up a little early before taking our daughter to school to meditate. Venus is still in Pisces chasing after the Sun, a little lower that it was earlier when I took that picture. But Mercury really caught my eye this morning.
As I sat on the fake green grass mat on our balcony I focused loosely on the clouds drifting across the predawn sky. Venus was behind them somewhere and I waited for her to appear. The sky was just starting to turn rosy and purple at the horizon. I saw a point of light just on the top edge of a cloud. I gazed at it wondering if it was Venus, and then as the clouds slowly drifted a little more, Venus appeared just higher and to my right, shining bright like a diamond.
In the deep purple blue of the predawn sky, I had a window through this hole in the clouds with Venus shining just above her neighbor, Mercury. The sky was already showing shades of orange and peach behind Mercury. As I contemplated the divine messenger, I could feel the shift into Aries. I could feel some fire in my voice, and I could feel energy to take action, and confidence to speak my truth.
Toward the end of last week I had a very contentious meeting with someone I try to get along with as well as I can. I am on my way to some important gatherings and I have some meetings set up where I will have a chance to speak my position about what I think should be done for some future events. There are a couple of groups coming together to put these events together, and they want to have some consensus about what we are doing.
I understand and respect the value of group consensus and harmony. But the problem I was having is that I was being asked to not speak my truth so that another plan would be accepted without debate. I really felt a lot of anger and frustration being directed toward me, and people were asking me for representations that I would stick to a script that they wanted to control.
This was at the end of the retrograde cycle with Mercury still in Pisces. My Natal Mercury is also in Pisces, along with Saturn, Venus, and Chiron, so this Mercury retrograde back and forth across Pisces really lit me up for the last 40 days. The energy last week felt very heavy and frustrating. I felt completely out of my integrity because I felt so much pressure to speak someone else’s truth and to silence my own. This felt like the last–I don’t know how to say it–blockage of energy to move through the Mercury retrograde..
And so Monday night we had our meditation practice and I connected to the light happy feeling spirit of my inner child during the practice. The new Hymn I received went through my head and I felt light hearted and joyful. I felt like the heavy weight of negativity was lifting from my shoulders.
Yesterday morning I had a super productive day, and a few things that had been kind of blocked moved forward. Then this morning I felt Mercury in Aries very strongly. I checked my calendar this morning and saw that Mercury had actually just entered Aries at 2:11 a.m. Eastern Time, and I was out meditating on the balcony around 6:20, so just short of four hours after Mercury crossed the cusp of Pisces and Aries.
Angelique, Mercury in Aries is all about fire in the voice, and I welcome this feeling of a little fire energy in my voice right now. I feel like a lot of things I have choked down and shut up about coming up. This is clearly an energetic shift toward the upcoming night of St. John. I received a strong message that I am in line to receive an upgrade in my vibration that night, and that I have to do a lot of work over the next two and a half months to deserve the upgrade. To lay the ground work.
And so here, Angelique, I think I am starting to find the crux of this writing. The crux here for me to learn, is to use what I have learned about my personal integrity to guide my action through this contentious process where different people are attached to differing views about what should be done at a large and important group event. As we have discussed, personal integrity is being “whole” and in my practice this means aligned through the chakras–my divine connection, my mind, my voice, my heart, my actions all have to be in common agreement.
I brought this up with Destiny the other day and she told me, in another of her little soundbites of profound wisdom, about the relationship between divine guidance and our desires. She said something to the effect of:“I used to think that guidance was all about asking my guides to help me get what I desired, but what I have learned is that it is my guides that inspire desire within me so I know what path I should take”
Sometimes such a subtle shift in thought can bring understanding. If we are in alignment with our integrity and our divine connection, then we can trust that what we desire is in our highest and best good, and that we are being guided to go in the direction of our desires. This really impacted me.
And so the next step is to look inside myself to examine my conscience. What I say, think, feel, and do, must be in common agreement AND I must have the same story for everyone, with transparency, and I must examine my motivations in the honest light of objective vision to make sure that I am acting out of virtue. I almost want to write an open letter to everyone involved stating clearly my positions so that I make sure I say the same story to everyone involved, instead of shifting a little to avoid conflict.
You see that’s the thing about it. If I know some people agree with me, I might be a little bit tempted to speak more strongly. If I think what I have to say might upset someone, then maybe I might avoid the confrontation and keep the truth inside. This creates hidden agendas and mistrust. So it’s important that I be honest with myself and everyone involved about what I really want, and that I stay on the same message, even when it might be difficult for the person to receive.
So if what I want is coming from guidance, then I have a responsibility to be honest about it. In this case, I have to acknowledge that I actually do want one solution because I like it better. I have to be honest about that. In this case I am fortunate that there is a wise elder, much wiser than me, who will be making the final decision.
So I will go and communicate what I think and what I want from a place of integrity. And as I look in my heart, I can feel my TRUE motivation and be honest about that as well. As I pondered this over the last couple of days, I came up with a good model for the behavior. I am trying to think of myself as a peaceful worker Ant reporting to the Queen Ant. I have a report to give about where I think we should go to get the best most juicy green leaves to bring back to the ant colony.
And here I digress. In Brazil we have enormous colonies of ants that make pathways hundreds of meters long with zillions of ants. They go out in search of leaves, and they bring them back to the colony. They take the leaves underground, and here is the amazing thing, they use the leaves to feed a massive subterranean fungus mycelium. Then the ants eat the fungus, not the leaves. A brilliant symbiotic relationship.
So imagine the worker ants are out in the field looking for leaves to harvest that day. Imagine a particularly eager little ant worker with a report–he have found a very nice Ipê Amarelo tree with the best possible leaves. Lets say some other ants want to go to a closer tree somewhere else because they think it would be easier. Ipê Ant, on the other hand, being a super gung-ho ant, want to go the extra distance to get the better leaves. More work, but it’s worth it! Imagine that the other ants secretly fear that the Queen will order everyone to work in favor of Ipê plan. They don’t want to go that far! It’s too far and too hard.
“Ipê,” they say “It’s really important to have Unity. The Queen does not want to be presented with conflicting proposals. We are the ants in the field, and it is our job to find out where we should go to get the leaves, and we need to present a unified plan to the Queen. Ipê, you are being disruptive to this harmony by suggesting we go farther. Do not give that report to the Queen. It would be selfish of you to put what you want ahead of what everyone else wants.”
But a loyal and faithful Ant must give an honest report to the Queen. He goes to the Queen and says “My Queen, I am here to serve. I am just a humble and faithful Ant, and I am at your service, and I will gladly participate in whatever mission you direct. And my Queen, I am aware that many of my Ant colleagues think we should go harvest from the oak tree because it’s closer. But I must report, that there is an Ipê Amarelo in bloom about 50 meters farther on. And I must report that it is my assessment that this would be a more productive mission, despite the extra distance required. And it is my recommendation that we unite behind this mission”
And here is the KEY — “But of course my Queen, it is only my duty to report what I have seen in the field. You are the one who knows best about the needs of the fungus colony and the energy and ability of the worker ants. If you think my plan is too ambitious, or that we don’t need to harvest the Ipê tree right now, then of course I defer to your higher wisdom.”
So what is the essence of this faithful Ant situation? It’s the honest report, the acknowledgement of what the other Ants want, and the non-attachment. This yields Humility, Integrity, and ultimately Peace of Spirt. But it’s not always so easy! If the Queen chooses Ipê’s plan, the other Ants will have envy. Or if they win and get their way? Contempt. “Bad non-conforming Ipê Ant is not a team player and refuses to go along and he was WRONG.” The sharp points.
And so Mercury in Aries is giving me this inspiration for a humble fire of authenticity in my voice–mindful of but not afraid of consequences. Confidence tempered by acceptance. Balance. I trust in my integrity, and that my desire is in alignment with Divine Guidance. And now, at this point in my experience of writing this, which I always really do enjoy doing in the present moment. Right now I ask myself how this all comes full circle back home.
And it comes back to the hymn I received the other day. There is so much negativity flying around me right now. So many people saying so many things. The sharp thorns under our feet as we climb the mountain. But that Hymn.
The Stars are Heaven
There in the Firmament
Shining with the Sun
The Moon and the Planets
And I am here, I am here, I am here
The Gentle Breeze is Blowing
And the Rain has just ended
The bird, singing,
is the voice of my mother
And I am here, I am here, I am here.
I realized after the meditation on Monday that this Hymn is a call to my inner spirit of childlike joy and happiness. When all the storms of negativity are there, and when people are shooting the arrows of talk behind the back and I can just feel the heavy weight, this Hymn is a call to bring this spirit of lightness back into me. This is a gift to guide me to my transformation and the new world that will open on the Night of Saint John.
And so again with the Astrology as a divining tool. As I examine my own conscience (” to examine the conscience is the first lesson”) I can see the Libra in me that wants everyone to get along. I can see that I will step into a more Aquarian/Capricorn confidence and assertiveness.
I called a close friend for counsel. He shared some wisdom that really helped me engrave all of these lessons. He said to me that assertiveness is simply stating the truth about your view and having the patience and humility to hear the views of others and to then not be overly attached to the outcome. I know I am not going to use undue influence to get what I want. But I am going to say it plainly with the reasons why. And then I’m going to actually be very happy with however it goes, because I trust the elder making the decisions, and no matter what it’s going to be great.
Peace Love Forgiveness