Two Little Birds

Dear Angelique,

I think this is going to be kind of a long rambling letter.  I was down about two pages into it when I jumped back up here to say this at the top.  Angelique, my 40 lenten dieta to restore my personal integrity and potentiate my divine connection is going really well, and I have been enjoying my 15 minute meditations each morning.

In meditation, I have been working with a lyrical message from several hymns we have sung recently in Church to the effect of “I am a little bird, and I have an owner, and my owner has power.”  The other day I went to the Chiropractor for an adjustment.  She also does energy healing and offers a little bit of New Age “Woo Woo” to people who like it.  I personally love good woo woo, and so I asked her to share.

She said she received a message for me.. “you don’t have to tense  your body to be safe.”  She said she did not know where that was coming from, but it was what she received.  I immediately felt the tension in my body coming from stress about all the moving parts in our lives.  We have so many projects going in Bahia, Mapia, Mutum, Hawaii, and Miami, and they are all so much bigger than me.  And so I feel this stress that comes from a lack of control.

And this lack of control is by design, very good, and very real.  My son Charlie is directly managing the projects I have in Bahia.  Destiny is managing Mapia.  Jose is managing Hawaii.  You are managing the horses and equestrian center.

And so these two teaches are coming together for me.  How does “I am a little bird and I have an owner, and my owner has power,” relate to “I don’t need to tense my body to be safe?”  So I was pondering this question yesterday morning in my meditation at 6:45 in the morning on March 8th.  I know the date, because it’s the date of the picture of the little bird that I set as the featured image here.  And now I’m going to jump back down to where I was and tell the rest of the Little Bird story, and let you read what came first.

In this moment, as I write this, you are driving with your Dad back home to Louisiana to get your affairs in order before you move to Brazil.  And it was only yesterday that we shared a moment together on your front porch that seemed like the moment of transition

Do you remember the moment?  I was sitting in a chair outside your apartment door.  I may have been finishing up a talk with Destiny.  As I think about it, I may be mixing a few moments together into one memory, but that’s just as well, because it’s the meaning that I’m really after.

The sun was low in the sky, and I was sitting in the chair by your door.  I was feeling that it was your last day in the apartment before your big move.  It was also the day before Destiny left for her big trip, and so our friendly neighbors across the way are both heading in new directions.  With Destiny planning to move to Lafayette in the next few months, and your plan to move to Brazil, we really are at the cusp of a new time.

Somehow I feel that I should have seen this coming.  That somehow it would not have happened in a moment.  But it did happen in a moment.  I was sitting in that chair with the sun setting and the birds chirping, and I realized this was the last moment of a phase of our journey.  It was almost exactly a year ago that you and Destiny moved into that cute little apartment.  SO MUCH has happened since.  And so I sat in reflection there with the birds singing and savored the joy we have shared.

I have intentionally directed my attention to the transit of Uranus to Taurus during my meditation sessions, and I really am feeling an energetic shift.  I have been doing some astrology research to help me understand what I have been feeling.  First I started with the natal chart that I got from Beth Bullitt, the knowledgeable and friendly astrologer we have all consulted.  According to the chart, Uranus is in my 12th house.  I made an appointment with Beth to consult about this on Monday, and I will let you know what she has to say.

But I wanted an immediate answer so I kept googling and I  found an another resource called the Astro Codex.  It has a great article on each planet in each house (yes that’s like 9 times 12 articles).  Here is the link to the article about Uranus in the 12th House.  This article rang true for me, and I can identify as a Uranus 12th House Native.

When I examine my chart, I notice that Uranus was just above the horizon at the moment I was born.  I was 23 degrees of Virgo, and so really Uranus rose as I was being born. I am an Aquarius Sun sign with Libra Rising. and so it is that I was born in the middle of the night.  Before this week, I had not thought much about Uranus.  But now I can see how significant this planet is for me.

And so I was thinking that I should check back and see about the last time Uranus changed signs.  I did a little research and found this cool article about when Uranus entered Aries in March 2011.  That happened on the day that the earthquake struck Japan and the entire Fukushima Nuclear debacle began.  According to the article, Uranus slipped briefly into Aries in 2010, and then in retrograde returned for a few months to Pisces, and then in March of 2011, it entered Aries again where it remained until just last week.

Angelique, my own life was going through so much right at that moment!  I was just finishing with my divorce from my first marriage of 21 years as Uranus made this little dance, and then as soon as it returned to Aries finally,  a very important moment happened for me.

I had been in a tumultuous relationship for about a year and a half after when I was going through my divorce.  At the time I was a wine enthusiast, and I was never one to miss a party.  That relationship was based around the socialization of Alcohol.  My girlfriend and I had gone to the Bahamas with her kids in November of 2010, and they had adopted a stray dog.  The stray dogs of the Bahamas are known as “potcakes” because people leave the peas and rice burned on the bottom of the pot, and these dogs will happily clean the burned cake out of the bottom of the pan.  They are friendly and they follow people home.  This one followed us home to where we were staying, and we brought her the rest of the way to Miami.

Well it happens that Potcakes roam around on an island.  That’s what they do.  So when  you bring them back to a city, they roam.  But in the city, there is no sea shore.  So they don’t ever stop roaming.  On the island, they never go very far, because, well, they are surrounded by Ocean which creates a pen for them.  But in Miami, there is no such barrier.  This little Potcake loved nothing more than to escape and roam the neighborhood.

Well it was April of 2011, and the relationship was very tense.  One Sunday, looking back on the calendar it would have been the 24th, we had all been drinking beers and cooking outside on the grill, and somehow or another the gate got left open, and in a nano-second the dog got out.  I had been outside cooking when it happened, so naturally the drunken finger got pointed at me.  It was my drunk butt mistake that the dog got away, or at least that was the conclusion that was quickly reached.

This really hurt me to be blamed for this.  But something inside me was telling me that the reason I was hurt was that something in me agreed with this.  I went on a business trip that Monday after the dog was lost and ended the week at a spiritual workshop in New York City.  I pondered this in meditation, and decided in that moment that I should not drink anymore.  I thought if alcohol could have caused me to leave the gate open for the dog to get out, and I was not 100% sure that I was not responsible, what if a child got hurt, or something even more serious happened?  I have not had a single sip of alcohol since.

When Stephanie and I got married in 2013, in a traditional Jewish ceremony, Stephanie arranged to have coconut water in the Chuppah instead of wine.  The glass we broke under our feet had been filled with coconut water.

So much changed in my life from that decision.  I was amazed how many friendships did not work anymore when I stopped drinking.  Basically all of them.  Including my ex-girlfriend.  I tried going with her to visit her family in Milwaukee, which is not a good city for newly-declared-non-drinkers, and it was really hard to be with everyone drinking all the time.  I think going to bars is the number one recreational activity in Milwaukee.  And so I ended up leaving that trip early, and so that was pretty much the end of that relationship.  Sure it had a couple more death spasms, but the writing was on the wall.  And since then, not drinking has really defined a lot of my social life.  I had no idea how important alcohol is in our society until I gave it up.

I was also not prepared for the reaction I received.  First thing, people assumed I was a recovering alcoholic when I refused alcohol.  Like why would anyone ever choose to quit drinking?  It seemed people feel better about their own decision to continue drinking when they create the story that I must have been alcoholic and therefore very different from them.  Then people thought I was a bore or prudish or whatever.  Stephanie, who also does not drink simply because she does not like it, said “alcohol is what people do to make things that are not fun seem fun.”  This really is true.  We spend a lot more time doing things that are actually fun then I used to do.  We never go to Galas anymore either.  I felt very much an outsider, as is typical of those with Uranus in the 12th house.

Uranus shifting into Aries marked a huge shift in my life.  It literally burned all of my relationships to the ground and created space for a whole new set of much healthier relationships and friendships to grow.  It has also given me space for my spiritual development, which has been very rewarding.

And so now, Uranus is shifting to Taurus for the next seven or eight years.  And boom right away you and Destiny both left Miami today!  Destiny is moving permanently to Lafayette, and you are moving permanently to Brazil.  And when I examine my own life, I see a lot of structures shifting.  My last son started college last fall, and our step daughter just started high school.  When Uranus transits into Gemini, all of our kids will be well into adulthood.  Our house in Bahia will be finished.  A lot will be changing!  And this has already begun.

Angelique, remember where we started with the bird and the owner and the power?  Remember the advice that I do not need to tense my body to be safe?  Well yesterday morning I called you on the telephone as I returned home from taking Tata to school, and I mentioned on the phone to you about the bird meditation, and about how we can keep love and joy in our hearts like two birds in a nest in a tree.  And so I walked over to your place for our chat, I parked on the street and I said a little prayer to my guides. I prayed for some wisdom and peace.

And as I approached your apartment, these two beautiful cardinals were up in the tree right outside singing their little hearts out.  I even took a video to show you, remember?And so now I can see.

I do not have to be in control of all these things shifting.  I just have to be the little bird.  God is my owner, and God has power.  It’s not for me to be powerful. It’s for me to sing with the voice I was given.  And so it is that I can relax right?  I don’t need to tense my body.  I can relax.  Sure Uranus shifting into Taurus is bringing changes.  Sure you are moving.  Yes many many things are unfolding.

But really, I just have to stay here in the present moment and sing to the glory of each day.

Much love Angelique and have a safe and wonderful journey.  I can’t wait until we go to Bahia together in exactly two weeks!!!

Spencer

Peace Love Forgiveness

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